Disappointment

You know if you had told me last year at this time i would have found my mother. ... I would have not believed it. I have learned so many truths about my life... many good ones.. and some that just make you stop and think.

It's disappointing how some people will .. well lets say look for a person .. and then once the person is there.. There is no second glance.

It's as if the person just wanted a confirmation that the person they were looking for existed.

In the past year I have found out that

1. My mother is alive

2. I am alot like her.

3. My father is alive

4. I have some of his traits too..

5. My grandmother was alive. I loved her despite the short time we had together. She was a great woman..

6. I share many qualities with her.. minus the shameless flirting of course :D

7. I have too many aunts and uncles to even try to count.... Who have fallen into the background and most i may never see again.. over some stupid little ... side thing.

8. I have 9 siblings... 3 half sisters - Shauna, Tanya, Amanda. Which fight it as I might.. they are my blood and i will always love and protect them.

and 6 step siblings - Khara, Courtney, Andrew, Courtney (another one), William, and Devin

9. To this day I do not talk to any of them.. though for a while Tanya and i did.. And i kind of miss her. It's not that i do not want to talk to them.. its just well Life happens and people let you down or they just don't think you fit into their lives.

10. I have 5 beautiful nieces (Kayliegh, Emma, Kyrsten, Olivia, and Gianna) One nephew whom I haven't seen in soo long Matthew, and apparently another nephew on the way.

11. Once a denying man .. always a denying man.

12. I just recently discovered a stepmother who by choice has decided I have no father. That a man about 32 years ago made a donation. And despite all her actions and words. I decided I don't really hate her. I mean I don't know her and she doesn't know me. But i do not condone any of the interactions made during this past year.

13. I have learnt that I can actually hate a person. And sad to say there are 2 I honestly hate. The sad part is I am not completely able to keep my feelings for these people with those people. I find myself feeling bitter to those whom interact with the two. And for this i am honestly sorry.

14. I have a few cousins I have met over this past year . Eddie and Phil. They are both great men. and good family. Although one is bound by his family ties and I hope some day we can move past the families differences. But the other.. Although we are not tied by blood he has made me feel comfortable to be myself around him and has actually helped me feel that i have family. This may change due to "life" (shocker) but yeah.. its a good feeling.

15. and last but not least ... I have learnt that there is a man out there who loves me very much and has no plans to run out on me. And has made me believe that its possible to be loved and love openly. And to this man I am eternally grateful and I look forward to the life that we share together.

I found my mother last year at the end of april... I have no regrets... since meeting her once more... I learnt most of all.. despite all I have gone through. Life has so much more to offer.. both good and bad.